Back to work this week, and back to business. And everyone’s asking the same question — how was your holiday? My go-to answer is, “Quiet. Peaceful. I got a lot of rest,” but a more accurate response would be to reveal that I spent most of it curled up in a ball on my couch, bummed out by the fact that another year and another holiday had creeped up on me and I was spending it alone, as in without a mate.
Holidays are prime for spending quality time with your loved ones, and I have no shortage of family and friends to imbibe and enjoy the holidays with. But it’s just not the same as passing those intimate moments with that special someone who you love and cherish in that special way. I haven’t experienced that kind of connection in some time, and this holiday season I really felt the lack of it in a profound and painful way. So there I was, curled up on my couch, licking my wounds and wooing myself into an ever-deepening state of darkness and despair. For five days. I would wake up between 7 and 8 in the morning, venture out of my bed between 11 and noon, put out some food for my dog Rocky, take a swig of the rum I brought home from my recent trip to St. Thomas, warm up some food to eat, and then position myself on the couch. Where I stayed for the entire day, getting up only to use the bathroom, grab my phone charger, or put out another meal for poor Rocky. When my sciatica started to aggravate me from lying on the couch in the same position for endless hours, I would switch to the other side and recommence to flipping channels until something caught my attention and took my mind momentarily off of my sorry state of affairs. When I could no longer keep my eyes open, I would retire to my bedroom, where I passed restless hours until daybreak, and my chance to angst over my nonexistent love life all over again. Five days of this hell… But on the fifth day, something wonderful happened. Something that shifted me and shined some promise and hope into my seemingly hopeless situation.
As I laid there curled up on my couch, trying to chase away thoughts of the love that I lacked and feared I would never have, a TV commercial for That ’70s Show came on, featuring Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher. I immediately wanted to revel in the annoyance that came all too quickly each time my marathon television watching was interrupted by a commercial, but the revelation and realization that I was on the brink of having wouldn’t allow it. Instead, I found myself perking up ever so slightly. I thought wow, Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis… Aren’t they together now? As in, married with child! How did that happen? When did that happen?!!! Did they know back in 1998 when they starting working together on that show that they were destined to be lovers? Or was it something that they came to realize slowly over time, but were not able to fully embrace for several years? Wow! Who knows how long their loveship will last, as the rumors of trouble in paradise are already swirling, but at that moment I didn’t care. I was too fascinated by the idea of time, and the notion that the seed of love could’ve been planted all those years ago, back in 1998, only to reach its fullest potential and blossom into a full-blown relationship that resulted in a wedding in 2014, and a child in 2015. Wow!
I started to think about myself, and the possibility that at some point in my past, I could’ve made such a connection and bond. And that this may be the perfect time to see that dormant seed bloom and blossom. The possibility completely unhinged me from my state of being stuck on meeting someone new, because I realized that it doesn’t always work that way. My love could be someone I’ve yet to meet, or it could be someone who sparked something in me, and vice versa, many moons ago — someone who will revisit my life in this space and time, in a deep and meaningful way.
Needless to say, I’m now excited for 2016. I’m excited to see what past planted seed is ready to present itself and bloom at this time. I know it’s possible, and it only took a TV commercial to make me aware of it so profoundly. All I need to do is be open to the possibility. And practice patience, something I’ve never had much of. I want things when I want them. I want it fast and I want it furious. I don’t give things enough time to bloom. But in some things, that’s not how life works. Some things that we want never happen. Some things do indeed happen when we want them to. And the best things happen just when they’re supposed to — when it’s the right time. So the endless hours spent curled up on my couch watching TV weren’t a complete waste, because I was supposed to make a connection with a commercial. That “silly” commercial allowed me to reconnect to the wonderful world of possibility. I got the best gift this holiday season, a much-needed re-up on hope. So, I greet you in 2016 recharged, revitalized, reenergized, and in love with the year’s endless possibilities ripe for the plucking, just brimming with brightness and moments of sheer greatness waiting to happen. I’m excited about my past presenting in the present, and my future. I feel alive in 2016. It’s inspired moments like the one that I had sitting home alone on my couch on a Saturday night that make me excited to be a writer. Those moments of knowing and understanding and being that I can’t wait to share with you.